7. Something came up.
As I predicted, something came up.
Also, no, apparently it doesn’t pack itself.
And since most of you are still skiving off - it’s the hols why wouldn’t you? So, unless there’s something major, I’ll run Tuakiri next week.
A few years ago I turned a holiday travel blog into a book. It was for the amusement of family and friends, and a couple of entries Smokin’ and Venezia are below.
I’m sort of repackaging the whole thing as a digital book, as Blurb had made it bloody expensive for you, and I got nothing out of it.
Also on a re-read, it sounded like I’d swallowed a dictionary, and came across being a bit more of a wanker than I usually aim for. Hopefully this new version is a bit more of a win win all round.
Just like when a record gets reissued there was a bit of remastering to do. So I’m editing the old and re-issuing the deluxe version with added stories.
You know, like Taylor.
I’ll let you know when it’s ready.
Smokin'
Smoking is compulsory in Italy.
I think you can get away with not smoking until you are about 6 or 7 years old, but after that; ‘5 plus a day’ has nothing to do with fruit and veg. Nope. From what I can gather, if you are a first offender and caught not smoking, you are shot.
Any subsequent transgressions and you are forced to buy some of that ceramic stuff that they sell in every other shop on Capri. If it really goes Amanda Knox in front of the judge, you have to buy double.
Persistent recidivists are made to open shops that sell it. This is why there are so many stockists.
Tourists are allowed to be non-smokers, although this is generally frowned upon. If your cab driver does you the honour of lighting up on your journey, don’t be alarmed, it is a sign that he likes you. Whatever you do, please do not comment on this behaviour.
Remember, you are a guest in their country and you do not want to be seen as culturally insensitive
Venezia
History was invented in Venice in about 1167, in March I believe. But most of the city was built in 1979 as a set for a James Bond film. The motorboat chase through the canals of Venice in 'Moonraker' remains one of my favourite movie moments.
Carla was my charming and patient guide. She teaches Italian to foreigners so in no time I could almost pronounce 'alla vongole’.
I now know more than most about ferro di prua - the intricate metal motif carried on the bowsprit of these Venetian waka. A gondola, I learned, is eleven metres long down one side and ten down the other; a design feature to help them navigate the canals.
One of my feet is longer than the other, a size eleven and a size ten and a half. Apparently it’s quite common. I’m not sure if this design feature is as clever, but I once got a pair of Diesel boots that were mismatched sizes, down from eight hundy to one twenty. “They’re different sizes” explained the saleswoman. “I certainly hope so” I replied as she wrapped them up.
We passed a library containing the world's most expensive books. It was in Venice where the first copy of the Koran was printed. Again, who knew? Well, probably lots of people.
As Carla spoke, I listened, only to discover how little I really knew about lots of things in general and Venice in particular.
Most civilizations had passed through here, and each left something behind, explained Carla. That was true. Obviously the Greeks had been here, as had the Romans, and if you knew where to look, you could see the influence the Normans had on the place as well.
I mention the important American contribution, a Hard Rock Cafe by Piazza San Marco. This is met with a frown. History is not to be made light of here.
The tradition of leaving more than memories behind was obviously still very much alive, and as I walked back to my hotel I could see in a darkened corner where - obviously after a large one out on the razzle - someone had kindly parked their chips.
Aussies, would be my guess.
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